IS THIS OUR VERSION OF LOVE?

Have you ever been in love? I really don’t know what being ‘in love’ means. Love to me is a word that has been mis-used a lot by people. I don’t like to use the word too much. I see what the movies have done by feeding us these fantasies of what love is and I suppose i’ve resisted that for a long time. Recently, I’ve started a new relationship with the most brilliant, kindest, caring man and he’s changing how I see Love now…

My Big Sexy is changing my world. The caring and the vulnerability this guy is willing to be for me, is melting away every past pain that’s in my world. There’s been a lot of pains. I told him at the start of our relationship that I didn’t think Love was real. He said, ‘That’s because you’ve never been in love’. He’s right. I have never experienced before what I’m experiencing with him. Is it Love? ¬†It’s what my love is. It’s not Love from what Walt Disney says love is or from the fairytales I was read as a child. Its not the fantasy of Love. Its magic. Its caring. Its kindness. Its him having my back and me having his back. It’s me allowing him to be and choose whatever he’s choosing and it’s him allowing me to be as weird and foreign as I am. It’s fun. It’s belly laughs. It’s intimate.

He’s the first man who has looked me in the eyes and tell me with such sinerity how special I am to him. He tells me how he wants to create a life with me. How much he loves being with me. The vulnerability and kindness this man is willing to be is literally melting every past wound from my body. I’ve never had this before. I didn’t even know I could have this. I thought it was just a fairytale. I didn’t know I could have this magical person in my life so close to me and not let myself get lost.

I never thought for a second he’s be the guy I’d end up loving so intensely. He was just this guy I worked with. In my eyes, he drank too much, all he cared about was working out and we had nothing in common. The superior bitch in me, was like ‘oh i’m so into conscious living, healthy lifestyle, yoga and all the energy work, how could this ever work with us?’

Wow, was i wrong. In the early days when me and big sexy just started hooking up, one lady friend told me stay away from this guy and go hang out in Yoga centers where I’ll find myself a more AWAKE guy!! In her defense, big sexy was a bit of a head f**k when we first started hooking up. Neither of us knew what we wanted. In regards to finding an AWAKE guy in a Yoga studio. Not always true. I’ve met some of the most ego driven people in Yoga studios. And is that not a total superior point of view? If I go to Yoga, then i’m awake and your not!!

See when me and Big sexy finally decided to get vulnerable with each other and be present together, everything changed. There was an intimacy and connection that we couldn’t deny. It doesn’t matter what you do in your life or how conscious you are. Some of the most so called conscious people I know are total assholes.

Here is this guy who’s a real man. He shows me love and affection everywhere we go: in front of his friends, in the restaurant, at the bar. When i’m with him, he gives me all his attention. He’s here with me. He’s not distracted. He doesn’t play mind games. He constantly openly displayed to me how much he cares for me and in turn allows me to be that for him. He makes me breakfast in the morning while I go online on my Access tele call. He laughs at all my funny quirks. He allows me to not make everything so serious. He walks up to me in the restaurant just at the moment when some asshole person has been horrible to me and i’m leaving it upset me. He hugs me and re-assures me that it’s not that serious. He gets that I need to eat regularly or else i’ll get irritable and cranky. He knows I require regular Yoga as I know he requires regular workouts in the gym. He supports me in choosing whatever it is that makes me happy once I still make time for him.

I’m writing all this down for a few reasons. I might show this to him. I sometimes don’t know how to put in words, how much love i have for this guy. And part of me is afraid to say it too much. What if it doesn’t last? What if it’s too good to be true? What if it all falls apart? It’s too soon to be saying all this…. What if….What if….What if…

Well, what if the world ended tomorrow and i’d never told this guy how much I love him. All because I was scared of the word love. I use the word ‘adore’ and he doesn’t like it!! He thinks it’s a cop out. He’s right. It is. What if I just told him how much I loved him. How much I Love everything he is being for me. And how much I love being in his arms. And how much I Iove waking up next to him. And how much I love it when he makes faces at me and when he calls me the foreign girl. And how much I love everything about him. Even when he’s frustrated! And when he starts ranting. And how much i love his humor. And how when he puts his hands on my body, it breaths out and just melts. Is this our version of love?

So what if this is it. What if there is nothing to be afraid of. What if I acknowledged what we have is magic right now and enjoy it rather than worrying about the future that will never come. All we have is now right. And right now it’s magic. It’s love in what we are creating Love as. Not the movies version of Love. Its our version of Love.

Big Sexy and Mrs.Little Sexy ūüôā

This is our version of Love.

Are You A Mind F**K?

Are you one of those people who over analyses, over thinks, is always trying to figure things out in your head, and has self-sabotaging thoughts? Jumps to conclusions, makes up scenarios in your head from nothing?

It’s something I have been aware of in my world for a few years now.

It can be called Mental Masturbation, the monkey mind, thinking stinking, as well as many other things. Most recently my new boyfriend called me a MIND F**K!! He’s inspired my to write this article.

Because, Yes sometimes I am a Mind F**K.

When I hit my early 20’s, I started to become aware of the insanities in my head. All the lies, the constant analysis, the over thinking and I started to take steps to recover. ¬†I did everything from 12 step recovery, to Yoga, to meditation, to dance and in the last few years Access Bars has been my saving grace. All these modalities have given me information, insights, change and space for me to be ME, beyond all the lies of my crazy mind.

I would go through phases. There’d be phases where I’d be doing lots Yoga, looking after myself, eating well, getting my bars run, creating and having lots of space and ease in my mind and body.

Then something would change. I’d wake up after a few days of feeling great and my head would be heavy. I start to do obsessive thinking. I’m getting irritated, frustrated. I don’t feel like me. I’m thinking about things, work, other people. All stuff I don’t want to be thinking about. I use the tool from Access Consciousness ‘WHO DOES THIS BELONG TO?’

Because you know 98% of our thoughts do not belong to us. I use this ‘Return all these thoughts that are not mine to sender’ numerous times. I go get my Bars run. I start to feel more like me again. Yet, still there’s this sense of un-ease, this busy mind that seems hell bent on finding a problem.

See, over the years I’ve discovered the MIND IS A DANGEROUS THING. The mind’s job is to limit you. Anything that goes on in my head is 99% of the time LIES.

I have a magical, beautiful life. Everything I ask for, shows up. I live in sunny South Florida, near the beach. I get to go Yoga regularly, dance on the beach, teach Kids dance, am able to share with people a Body treatment called Access Bars that creates lasting change. I earn good money and constantly creating more. I have recently started a relationship with a beautiful, kind, caring man who is changing my world.

I LOVE MY LIFE. Yet, there’s a little niggly voice that is still trying to MIND F**K ME.

I hear it. Its very subtle. ‘This is too good to be true’. You can’t be this happy all the time. Don’t allow your self to be too happy because Its all going to fall apart. These are all the LIES OF THE MIND: Self- Sabotage.

I took something my boyfriend said the other day and twisted it into meaning something else. He called me out: ‘You Are a Mind F**K’.

He was right. In that moment, that’s exactly what I was doing. Why?

Who knows really. Its the Insanities of the Mind that we will never understand. You can’t understand insanities.

All I know is that a mind that is left un-trained is a dangerous thing. I have learned down through the years to train my mind. I have an incredibly powerful mind so unless I train my mind to see the good, to be grateful for what I have, to have joy in my life, to do the things I love to do then my mind will go straight to self-sabotage. A mind that is bored will go to destruction.

I don’t watch television. I keep active and moving because it makes me feel good. I surround myself with caring people. I love taking Yoga classes and teaching Dance. When I’m creating, I’m happy. I read only inspiring books. I listen to music a lot and watch dance movies. Get enough sleep and eat regularly. For someone who moves as much as I do then rest and food is important for my sanity. I never watch the news, read the papers or watch violent films. It doesn’t inspire me. I have a lot of gratitude for my life and if I don’t keep that gratitude by doing the things that i love and staying away from the things that kill my spirit then I will very quickly go into self-sabotage.

I’ve learned that if I don’t give my mind jobs to do and keep it active with all the good things i like in this world then it will dominate me with lies and insanities.

So now, when that Mind masturbation comes in, I ask questions:

What am I aware of?

Who does this belong to?

Who am I being?

Are any of these thoughts relevant?

and What could I be creating here?

Because, most of the times, when my mind is creating drama and problems, it’s because its bored.

So, what can I add to my life right away that would be fun?

So grateful to Gary Douglas and Dain Heer the creator and co-founder of Access Consciousness for bringing the phenomena of Access Bars to this world. It has been the fastest way for me to get out of this Monkey Mind and actually create a life that works for me with tools and questions that actually work.

And the biggest revelation of all ‘THAT I AM NOT AS F**KED UP AS I THINK I AM’.

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If I could talk to my 18 year old self again….

Yesterday, I got a message from a beautiful, kind, caring, stunning female that I care deeply about. She was reaching out to me for advice. She spoke in the way of: ‘I don’t feel like I’m any fun….. I feel like something is missing from my life… I am not happy with me.. Did you ever feel like this when you were my age?

Wow… Did I ever feel like this? YES, all day every day I felt like I didn’t fit in, I was so boring and I was totally missing something. I didn’t have many female friends when I was younger. Not because I didn’t like females. I just¬† DIDN’T get what these girls thought was fun. I didn’t get the jokes. I didn’t get the ‘slaging’ or insulting each other. I didn’t get the need to be the funny one. I didn’t get the criticism. I don’t think they got it either. I don’t think anyone gets it. Instead, i think everyone is trying so hard to fit in and ‘be part of the group’ that nobody is being them and everyone is trying to fit themselves into a box that they don’t fit in….

So, What did I do? I just got on with it. I always had 1 or 2 close friends that were my comfort blankets. This world DID NOT make any sense to me. So, if I could talk to me as my 18 year old self again, this is what I’d say:

You are not ugly. You are not wrong. You are not stupid. Are you just aware of all these judgments in everyone else heads around you?

Instead of thinking all these thoughts: You are no fun, you are boring, no one likes you…. What if you asked ‘Are any of these thoughts mine?’ I wonder what would happen?

Are you psychic? Can you pick up on the thoughts and judgements of the people around you and YOU KEEP THINKING ALL THIS CRAP IS YOURS. IT ISN’T YOURS.

Stop hanging around with people that are mean, un-kind and do not want the best for you.

Create friends that DO NOT JUDGE YOU.

Create and choose friends who want the BEST FOR YOU.

Ask yourself what truly makes you happy? And add that to your life. Move, dance, sing, use all that energy you have and put it into something you love.

Stop wasting your time just hanging out, talking about other people and gossiping about other people’s lives. That stuff is SCEPTIC and I know you really don’t like it.

Yes, going out late at night and drinking actually is so boring for you. You are NOT boring because of this. It’s a fake environment that you know is NOT kind. Find more kinder places for you to be and dance in. If you were truly having fun and being joy then there would be no need to drink alcohol.

Drinking alcohol is not wrong. When you do it from choice it can be fun. When you do it from ‘need’, to make you happy, or fit in, or be more fun: that’s what creates the problem.

By the way very few people drink from choice at your age….. How aware are you of evereyone trying to fit into this tiny, BORING, Dull box…. Yet nobody fits in there. And IT HURTS when you try to fit in there. Its too small. So, you have to cut off PIECES AND PARTS OF YOU TO FIT IN THE BOX.

Get OUT OF THE BOX. The parts and pieces of you that are missing are outside the box!!

You are so creative and talented. Find what you love, something that excites you and do more of that.

10 years from now, who’s dating who and who cheated on your friend WILL NOT MATTER.

Instead, 10 years from now, you will kicking yourself for giving up that Dance class or never starting with the Acting group in college. Or for, not following that longing you have always had to learn Spanish.

You will look back and think: ‘If only I’d started then?’

And its never too late to start: Its never too late to have your dreams. You start today.

By the way, that comment you heard that insulting boy say about your looks ‘IS NOT ABOUT YOU’.

EVERYTIME someone judges you: They are judging themselves. If they say that you are ugly then that’s because they believe that they are ugly.

Judgement is a lie and Its never about YOU.

So you have a choice: You can stay in this lovely world of JUDGEMENT. Or you can choose something different:

YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO CHOOSE IT.

No one else can choose for you.

Only you can find the parts and pieces of you that are missing.

Did I feel like pieces and parts of me were missing when I was a teenager?

Oh HELL YES. And I spent what was supposed to be ‘the best years of my life’ numbing myself out with substances.

And then all my early 20’s recovering ME.

So, where am I now. CREATING ME.

So, beautiful girl. You have a CHOICE: You can choose to keep trying to fit yourself into the small, boring life that your friends fit themselves into. A life of pretending to be happy when they are not, going from drama and trauma, nights out where the only way you think you can have fun involves putting alcohol into your sweet bodies, bitching about each other, judging yourself constantly and NEVER FEELING GOOD ENOUGH.

Its not YOUR FAULT. You are all just growing up in an Insane world where Judgement is the core Addiction.

Fun isn’t it? Constant Judgement and wrongness of you. Its what Everyone is doing to themselves.

You Can Stop it and Choose something different. You can Choose to BE YOU.

Choose to BE YOU AND BE AS DIFFERENT AND BRILLANT AS YOU ARE.

This means:

You will be judged: But guess what? You are judged anyway.

By Being You: some people will love you and some people will hate you.

The people that love you though will be the best people in the world to be around. Cause, they will also Be different too. And you will be having so much fun and freedom that other people’s judgements will not matter.

You have to be willing to Give up Caring what other people THINK OF YOU.

10 YEARS FROM NOW, YOU WON’T EVEN KNOW ANY THESE PEOPLE.

In order for YOU TO HAVE YOU: YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE TO ‘BE YOU’

Choose what’s fun for you,

Go dance, Go act, go sing, go play the piano,

Wear the clothes you’d like to,

Say inappropriate things that you think in your head,

Dance crazy,

Give up caring what other people think of you.

What are your dreams? Why did you come here? What would you like your life to look like?

Start choosing your dreams,

NO ONE ELSE WILL CREATE IT FOR YOU,

Choose for you and magic happens,

You won’t feel like your boring anymore,

You won’t feel awkward or ugly or un-happy or lost or alone,

Because When you have YOU and are creating your life and what makes You happy:

You won’t be living someone else life,

You will HAVE YOUR LIFE,

And YOU WILL HAVE YOU.

If I could talk to my younger self again, this is what I would have loved to have told her…

What would happen if we all LOST OUR MINDS?

I’m going out of mind right now. I’m off my head. I’m crazy. I’m losing it. I lost my head. What does it actually mean ‘TO LOSE YOUR MIND?’ And what is so wrong with losing our minds? Why have we made our heads and our minds so valuable that we are so determined to never lose them?

As a child I remember thinking I didn’t belong on this Planet. This world was all a bit strange for me. The people were different, there wasn’t much magic and frankly the kids at school were mean, the teachers were intimidating and I WAS SO BORED ALL THE TIME. My happy times were when I played games with my imagination and I played games with my siblings. But even that got boring. So, as young as 3years old I was looking for ways to get away from the boredom in this world that lived in my head. From my experience that’s one of the primary reason people drink or take drugs or over-eat, or have relationships: To get away from themselves and out of OUR HEADS!! I did all of the above and they always left me in a place worse than before I started. I always ended up feeling even more disillusioned than I did before I took the drug, or the drink, or dated the guy.

We are such funny creatures. We create so much drama and heart ache in order for us not to deal with ourselves and as an ESCAPE from the mundane Dullness of this reality. I’m very grateful for that fact that I actually got to experience ‘LOSING MY MIND’. At 21, i had tried everything to get me out of my head: Boys, drink, drugs, exercise. It all gave me moments of seeing that something else was possible here on this planet, but it was never sustainable. Like, why do we get into those relationships we know won’t work, or drink too much? For the buzz of course. To get that high. To feel like there is something more to our life here. So at 21 for whatever reason I WOKE UP BY LOSING MY MIND.

This wasn’t through taking some drug. This was a full on Losing touch with everything I thought was real and true: family, friends, this world, structures, rules, forms, society…EVERYTHING. It all fall apart in front of me. I didn’t know who I was and I didn’t have any definitions for me. I was no longer a girl who lived in this house in Cork and went to college. Instead, I was everything. I could see everything. I could see what was possible here on this planet. I could see all our pasts. This history of this Earth past. How, it was playing out in our present lives still. I could communicate to people around me through energetics and I could communicate with people from my past who no longer had a body here on this planet. There was no separation with the past, the present or the future. Everything was just NOW. That was me LOSING MY MIND. That was me GOING CRAZY. Of course I knew I wasn’t crazy. Actually in fact for the first time in my life, I actually never felt so SANE. LIKE EVERYTHING MADE SENSE. EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING CONNECTED. And it wasn’t like I WAS FIGURING all this out. Instead, it was just a KNOWING. The information was just there. I HAD LOST MY MIND. And in the willingness to Lose my mind: I HAD FOUND ME.

However, it became too much for me. Nobody around me could relate to me. And i couldn’t express to them what was happening me. I had no support or tools to cope with what was happening. The people around me didn’t know what to do. They couldn’t find me. They couldn’t connect with me. They couldn’t understand me. Why? Because, i was so far gone beyond the dullness and separation of this reality that they couldn’t connect with me. They thought they had LOST ME. So, they had to DIAGNOSE ME. Bring me back here. Back to the wrongness of this reality. You have a DIAGNOSIS. There’s something wrong with you. We have to medicate you. You need help. So, i played along with them. I knew the truth and really nothing anyone said or did could take that from me.

I heard this voice in me say ‘just take the medication and go along with them. It will take 3years of you being on medication and then the day will come where you can have all this experience again’. So that’s what I did. I shut down this whole waking up experience, put it to the back of my head. Pretended and started to create in my mind again that I was wrong, that I had an illness. That my mind was crazy. That what I had experienced was just me being insane. Its so funny how well I bought my own lies. For the next 5 years after this I continued to create my life from that place of ‘ There is something wrong with me and i have to fix it’, while deep down knowing there was something else I had experienced that was so much more than anybody knows. And I could never verbalize it to anyone else.

That was, until I met Rachael O’ Brien. Have you ever met someone for the first time and just know INSTANTLY that this person needs to be someone in your life. Rachael was like that for me. I seen her first at these AA meetings i was going to desperately doing this 12 step work to try fix me and quieten THIS CRAZY MIND OF MINE. Rachael when I first met her was an emotional mess. She too was hell bent on making herself wrong. She loved to beat herself for being a bad mom, wife, friend. Little did she know she was one of the kindest people on this planet. After a few months of seeing Rachael at these meetings, I noticed Rachael wasn’t crying anymore. She had this lightness in her. This joy, this ease. I thought she must be doing really good 12 step work. I wanted to know what she was doing… So, i started spending more time with her.

One conversation with her changed my whole world. That early experience where I lost my mind was re-awakend as Rachael literally told me her story of ¬†a similar experience that she had. This was all i needed. Just one person to describe to me what they had experienced and i knew I AM NOT CRAZY. This has happened someone else. This isn’t just me. THIS IS POSSIBLE. ¬†See, my mind was so hell bent on convincing me that what I had experienced 5years ago was not real. Our minds are great like that. Great at playing tricks on us, telling us lies. Limiting us. A wise person said ‘The mind is a great thing: WASTE IT’.

This Experience with Rachael was the moment I had been re-assured 5years ago before i was medicated would come again. The time was now.  Rachael was like a fairy godmother to me. I knew I had chosen her. I required someone to go on this journey with me. I had spent the last 5 years hell bent on trying to fix me and fit myself back into the mundane reality that bored the crap out of me and had zero possibilities. I was so tired from it. So worn out. My body hurt so bad. I was a emotional mess.

So here it was, a different possibility. Yet there was other people choosing what i had experienced. And there was tools. A body Process called Access Bars which I was told is like a deletion system for your thoughts. Wow, i needed a LOT OF THAT. So I jumped right in. I started to get my Bars ran as much as I exercised and then I started to substitute getting my bars run for exercise. WHY? Because FINALLY I could have ease in my body and my life. Finally I didn’t feel ‘I HAVE TO GO TO A MEETING, or I have to pray or I have to exercise or else I will be insane’. Don’t get me wrong, I still exercise. Movement is one of my most favorite things here in the world. In actual fact the ability for me to dance, swim, run, stretch are some of the things I truly enjoy here. However what changed was MY NEED TO DO IT.

Before I met Rachael and found Access bars, everything I did was coming from NEED TO KEEP ME SANE. If i didn’t go to a meeting, or exercise or eat right, or sleep right, then as they day in AA:’I WOULD BE OFF MY HEAD’…The truth was that I was having a constant download of information from everyone around me and this whole reality in my head and I had no way of coping with all the information. That’s why in earlier years I used relationships, drink and drugs to escape. Then after my so called ‘Psychosis’, I had medication to cope. After that, I had AA meetings, dance, yoga, meditation…all which helped.

This Access Bars was something much different. It worked so fast and actually gave me such a sense of ease that it gave me everything i was looking for, all my life. It gave me: ME. It gave me the real Amy. The Amy without all the labels and judgements and wrongness. It gave me a connection to everything in this world and to myself. It was, what I got a taste of in moments in my life ,yet this was actually sustainable.

If I could have one wish for this world it would be for everyone to have these tools of Access Consciousness and Access Bars. WHY? Because, had i known these tools and body work 8 years ago when I WAS LOSING MY MIND, then I could have saved myself the heartache of the years of trying to fix myself. You know from 21 until 25 years old, I did not have 1 date or boyfriend. Why? I didn’t have time. I was too busy trying to fix myself. Had i had access to Access Bars 8 years ago, It would have given me the awareness, that everything I was experiencing was, just me losing my old reality of separation and judgement and creating a new reality of CONSCIOUSNESS…That is oneness..where everything exists with no judgement.

I wonder if i could go and give these tools to every person in mental institutions and psychiatrists offices, what would happen?I wonder would they like to know that what they are experiencing is a new reality.

I wonder what would happen if we didn’t use masses of medication and instead provided people with tools to allow them to have ease with their new reality and all the information they are receiving.

I wonder why we have made LOSING OUR MINDS so wrong? What if its actually an AWAKENING And not a wrongness? What if we could celebrate each other and support each other in stepping out of the limitations of this world and into a new one with Oneness and possibilities.

What if our minds aren’t as valuable as we think they are?

What if the people with all The Labels are actually the ones who have a lot of capacities. ADHD, Autistic, Personality Disorder, Depressive, Alcoholic, Bio-Polar, Psychosis, Schizophrenic… What if all that we were missing were the TOOLS….

What if there was SO MUCH MORE… What if your mind was the greatest thing you use to stop yourself?

What if you were never wrong?

What WOULD HAPPEN IF WE ALL LOST OUR MINDS?

So what if we could all LOSE OUR MINDS TOGETHER. And it could be easy and fun? And we can run each others Bars and support each other in us all creating a greater world for ourselves and a planet that would be fun to live on?

The Tale of Anna….BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR…

Beautiful Anna with golden locks and a wildness in her soul, lived on the Mountain road in a country house with her 2 older brothers, her older sister, her adoring mother and not so present yet full of character Dad. Anna adored men. She loved to follow her two brothers around the roads and be part of their games and hang out with all their males friends.

Anna went through her whole childhood looking at most men in her life from adoration. She always had something that was lost in her world. Somewhere, she thought she’d find it in her brother, or her father and as she got older she would look for it in her boyfriends.

So her first boyfriend was the kid at school that everyone HATED. He was the ‘SMART-ASS’. ¬†Always teasing everyone else. He was the funny one. Funny in that he took pleasure in making other people laugh through taking someone else character apart. Of course, Anna saw so much more than that. She saw how this guy would reveal to her in moments, a softness. She also saw deep inside him to all the pieces and parts of him that were hurting and broken and so, she saw herself in him. He constantly told her how much he cared for her. After a year of being together, Anna found out that he had cheated on her with local easy girl. So this guy who claims to care about Anna, had cheated and lied to her.

Not long after Anna broke up with this guy, ¬†Her oldest brother died in a car accident. Another person she cared about, gone. This was difficult. Waking up every morning and facing the reality that her brother wasn’t on this planet anymore. That she couldn’t hug him, she couldn’t call him and hear his voice. She couldn’t annoy him with stupid questions. For a while, Anna used to call his phone, just hoping that it was all a bad dream and he might answer. Anna was very psychic and mystical. She saw so much more than this physical world and had a lot of information. She knew her brother didn’t really want to be here and somewhere in his world HE CHOSE to leave. That still didn’t take away the intense longing she had to still have him here. I wonder when we miss someone after they leave, how much is that grieving for us and not the other person?

Anna was really lost now. So she jumped straight into another relationship. Anything to escape this pain. The next guy she dated for 3 long intense years. He was a great guy but was high on drugs all the time. Anna was choosing it again. Choosing a guy who couldn’t be present with her. Who used control, jealousy and manipulation to get his way and control her. Again this was starting to be her version of caring. These guys she thought cared about her, did so from control, not being there, leaving and greed. Anna didn’t blame these guys, it was all that knew too.

That’s this REALITY version of caring. Its not TRUE CARING.

The next guy Anna met was even worse. He seemed so caring and so different from the last boyfriends but he was the most deceitful. This was turning into a real cycle. Anna didn’t know.

She didn’t know that these guys were merely a reflection of herself.

Because how much did she really want to die, how much did she really want to leave this planet. To her, this planet was un-kind, harsh and GREY. Anna hated grey. Grey was killing her.  How much did taking drugs not work for her? Anna saw so much more than the physical world yet no one around her saw it. That hurt. How much did Anna abuse herself with her thoughts. How much was she controlling herself by not allowing herself to acknowledge that she wanted to die.

Except she couldn’t leave. She knew deep down that she was here for something different. She knew her brother choose to leave and she was here to stay. So, she stopped with these guys and looked at herself.

She decided she was done with the abuse. Done with lies. Done with the leaving. If she was going to live here on this planet then she required  something different: TRUE CARING

As Anna got into her late 20s and after doing a lot of soul searching and making changes in her life, she started to ask the Universe to bring her a kind, caring man. Funny thing is that the same thing from her past was showing up again. These guys who were not present, taking drugs, abusive to themselves.

Then Anna got it: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR…..She was asking for caring and the Universe was giving her just that: Her version of caring. Her definitions of caring based on her past. Everything she had concluded caring was.

See if you had people in your life who you concluded cared about you and they did caring through control, jealousy, anger, not being present then you will get that as caring in your life.

That’s not TRUE CARING.

True caring is gratitude, its nurturing, its allowance. Its gratitude for you and the other person. Its nurturing because being with this person expands both your lives so you both become so much more. Its allowance for you and for what the other person is choosing.

Anna never had this in her life. So, she started with having it for herself. Then, she started to ask the universe to show her what true caring is.

If you never had True Caring and only had this reality messed up version of caring then ASK THE UNIVERSE TO SHOW YOU.

ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE….Just be careful in what your asking for!!

‘Unlocking the effects of drink & drugs from your body’

Changing the effect of drink on your body…..

Do you like to socialise and have few drinks yet the next day feel like someone ran you over by a bus?
Do you take days to recover from one night out? Or, used you party a lot when you were younger and still feel the effects on your body? Have you been TOLD that you are an ‘Addict’ and will never recover?
If so, this article might interest you……

I used to be this person, I partied a lot¬†when I was in my late teens. Growing up in Ireland where drinking was part of our culture, we started experimenting at a young age and it was all fairly fun and harmless. When i got to my early 20’s the partying had increased and my body and mind had a complete breakdown. There’s only so much abuse the body can take and my body couldn’t take anymore alcohol at the age of 21. I was physically, mentally and emotionally wrecked. I went through psychotic episodes and was told by counselors that i was an “addict” and if i drank again i’d experience another psychosis and advised to attend 12 step recovery program.I did not drink or take anything that was considered harmful for 5 years. I got a lot of support with 12 step recovery programs and will be forever grateful to the kind, caring people i met who changed my world and for the support of my family. Even though i had all this support i always felt there was something missing and that alcohol and drugs were not the problem and calling myself an ‘addict’ or ‘alcoholic’ was not the solution.

In 2012 I found a phenomenal body of work called Access Consciousness. Gary Douglas the founder has put together these phenomenal body process that allow your body to unlock any damage drink and drugs has on your body and has given me total choice in this area. After receiving these body process for 2years and traveling the world doing these classes I now have a freedom in my body and total choice with alcohol.¬† I am so connected to my body that if I choose to have a drink I cannot exceed what my body is asking for. I can have 1 drink and leave it at that. I do not have to drink until i get drunk. In actual fact now that i have a choice on whether i can drink or not most of the time i choose not to drink. I have so much joy in my life and so much of me now that i don’t need to drink to escape me or this world.

I wake the next morning and still have a lot of energy. There is no sickness in my body or mind. Through working with people and their bodies I have discovered I have the capacity to help people un-lock and change the effects that drink & drugs has had on the body. Whether its just you’ve had a few too many late nights and your feeling run down, tired, emotional, no energy or you have something thats locked in your body from an early experience that you made while on drink and drugs. There really is, with a person willingness and the phenomenal body of work from access consciousness nothing that we cant change. Our bodies were designed to heal themselves and I can testify to this. I have a freedom and total choice in my body and life now that I never thought possible.

If this is something that may be of interest to you can contact me @ amy.accessconsciousness.com

Or https://www.facebook.com/ShineDanceMovement