Beautiful Anna with golden locks and a wildness in her soul, lived on the Mountain road in a country house with her 2 older brothers, her older sister, her adoring mother and not so present yet full of character Dad. Anna adored men. She loved to follow her two brothers around the roads and be part of their games and hang out with all their males friends.
Anna went through her whole childhood looking at most men in her life from adoration. She always had something that was lost in her world. Somewhere, she thought she’d find it in her brother, or her father and as she got older she would look for it in her boyfriends.
So her first boyfriend was the kid at school that everyone HATED. He was the ‘SMART-ASS’. Always teasing everyone else. He was the funny one. Funny in that he took pleasure in making other people laugh through taking someone else character apart. Of course, Anna saw so much more than that. She saw how this guy would reveal to her in moments, a softness. She also saw deep inside him to all the pieces and parts of him that were hurting and broken and so, she saw herself in him. He constantly told her how much he cared for her. After a year of being together, Anna found out that he had cheated on her with local easy girl. So this guy who claims to care about Anna, had cheated and lied to her.
Not long after Anna broke up with this guy, Her oldest brother died in a car accident. Another person she cared about, gone. This was difficult. Waking up every morning and facing the reality that her brother wasn’t on this planet anymore. That she couldn’t hug him, she couldn’t call him and hear his voice. She couldn’t annoy him with stupid questions. For a while, Anna used to call his phone, just hoping that it was all a bad dream and he might answer. Anna was very psychic and mystical. She saw so much more than this physical world and had a lot of information. She knew her brother didn’t really want to be here and somewhere in his world HE CHOSE to leave. That still didn’t take away the intense longing she had to still have him here. I wonder when we miss someone after they leave, how much is that grieving for us and not the other person?
Anna was really lost now. So she jumped straight into another relationship. Anything to escape this pain. The next guy she dated for 3 long intense years. He was a great guy but was high on drugs all the time. Anna was choosing it again. Choosing a guy who couldn’t be present with her. Who used control, jealousy and manipulation to get his way and control her. Again this was starting to be her version of caring. These guys she thought cared about her, did so from control, not being there, leaving and greed. Anna didn’t blame these guys, it was all that knew too.
That’s this REALITY version of caring. Its not TRUE CARING.
The next guy Anna met was even worse. He seemed so caring and so different from the last boyfriends but he was the most deceitful. This was turning into a real cycle. Anna didn’t know.
She didn’t know that these guys were merely a reflection of herself.
Because how much did she really want to die, how much did she really want to leave this planet. To her, this planet was un-kind, harsh and GREY. Anna hated grey. Grey was killing her. How much did taking drugs not work for her? Anna saw so much more than the physical world yet no one around her saw it. That hurt. How much did Anna abuse herself with her thoughts. How much was she controlling herself by not allowing herself to acknowledge that she wanted to die.
Except she couldn’t leave. She knew deep down that she was here for something different. She knew her brother choose to leave and she was here to stay. So, she stopped with these guys and looked at herself.
She decided she was done with the abuse. Done with lies. Done with the leaving. If she was going to live here on this planet then she required something different: TRUE CARING
As Anna got into her late 20s and after doing a lot of soul searching and making changes in her life, she started to ask the Universe to bring her a kind, caring man. Funny thing is that the same thing from her past was showing up again. These guys who were not present, taking drugs, abusive to themselves.
Then Anna got it: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR…..She was asking for caring and the Universe was giving her just that: Her version of caring. Her definitions of caring based on her past. Everything she had concluded caring was.
See if you had people in your life who you concluded cared about you and they did caring through control, jealousy, anger, not being present then you will get that as caring in your life.
That’s not TRUE CARING.
True caring is gratitude, its nurturing, its allowance. Its gratitude for you and the other person. Its nurturing because being with this person expands both your lives so you both become so much more. Its allowance for you and for what the other person is choosing.
Anna never had this in her life. So, she started with having it for herself. Then, she started to ask the universe to show her what true caring is.
If you never had True Caring and only had this reality messed up version of caring then ASK THE UNIVERSE TO SHOW YOU.
ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE….Just be careful in what your asking for!!