Yesterday, I got a message from a beautiful, kind, caring, stunning female that I care deeply about. She was reaching out to me for advice. She spoke in the way of: ‘I don’t feel like I’m any fun….. I feel like something is missing from my life… I am not happy with me.. Did you ever feel like this when you were my age?
Wow… Did I ever feel like this? YES, all day every day I felt like I didn’t fit in, I was so boring and I was totally missing something. I didn’t have many female friends when I was younger. Not because I didn’t like females. I just DIDN’T get what these girls thought was fun. I didn’t get the jokes. I didn’t get the ‘slaging’ or insulting each other. I didn’t get the need to be the funny one. I didn’t get the criticism. I don’t think they got it either. I don’t think anyone gets it. Instead, i think everyone is trying so hard to fit in and ‘be part of the group’ that nobody is being them and everyone is trying to fit themselves into a box that they don’t fit in….
So, What did I do? I just got on with it. I always had 1 or 2 close friends that were my comfort blankets. This world DID NOT make any sense to me. So, if I could talk to me as my 18 year old self again, this is what I’d say:
You are not ugly. You are not wrong. You are not stupid. Are you just aware of all these judgments in everyone else heads around you?
Instead of thinking all these thoughts: You are no fun, you are boring, no one likes you…. What if you asked ‘Are any of these thoughts mine?’ I wonder what would happen?
Are you psychic? Can you pick up on the thoughts and judgements of the people around you and YOU KEEP THINKING ALL THIS CRAP IS YOURS. IT ISN’T YOURS.
Stop hanging around with people that are mean, un-kind and do not want the best for you.
Create friends that DO NOT JUDGE YOU.
Create and choose friends who want the BEST FOR YOU.
Ask yourself what truly makes you happy? And add that to your life. Move, dance, sing, use all that energy you have and put it into something you love.
Stop wasting your time just hanging out, talking about other people and gossiping about other people’s lives. That stuff is SCEPTIC and I know you really don’t like it.
Yes, going out late at night and drinking actually is so boring for you. You are NOT boring because of this. It’s a fake environment that you know is NOT kind. Find more kinder places for you to be and dance in. If you were truly having fun and being joy then there would be no need to drink alcohol.
Drinking alcohol is not wrong. When you do it from choice it can be fun. When you do it from ‘need’, to make you happy, or fit in, or be more fun: that’s what creates the problem.
By the way very few people drink from choice at your age….. How aware are you of evereyone trying to fit into this tiny, BORING, Dull box…. Yet nobody fits in there. And IT HURTS when you try to fit in there. Its too small. So, you have to cut off PIECES AND PARTS OF YOU TO FIT IN THE BOX.
Get OUT OF THE BOX. The parts and pieces of you that are missing are outside the box!!
You are so creative and talented. Find what you love, something that excites you and do more of that.
10 years from now, who’s dating who and who cheated on your friend WILL NOT MATTER.
Instead, 10 years from now, you will kicking yourself for giving up that Dance class or never starting with the Acting group in college. Or for, not following that longing you have always had to learn Spanish.
You will look back and think: ‘If only I’d started then?’
And its never too late to start: Its never too late to have your dreams. You start today.
By the way, that comment you heard that insulting boy say about your looks ‘IS NOT ABOUT YOU’.
EVERYTIME someone judges you: They are judging themselves. If they say that you are ugly then that’s because they believe that they are ugly.
Judgement is a lie and Its never about YOU.
So you have a choice: You can stay in this lovely world of JUDGEMENT. Or you can choose something different:
YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO CHOOSE IT.
No one else can choose for you.
Only you can find the parts and pieces of you that are missing.
Did I feel like pieces and parts of me were missing when I was a teenager?
Oh HELL YES. And I spent what was supposed to be ‘the best years of my life’ numbing myself out with substances.
And then all my early 20’s recovering ME.
So, where am I now. CREATING ME.
So, beautiful girl. You have a CHOICE: You can choose to keep trying to fit yourself into the small, boring life that your friends fit themselves into. A life of pretending to be happy when they are not, going from drama and trauma, nights out where the only way you think you can have fun involves putting alcohol into your sweet bodies, bitching about each other, judging yourself constantly and NEVER FEELING GOOD ENOUGH.
Its not YOUR FAULT. You are all just growing up in an Insane world where Judgement is the core Addiction.
Fun isn’t it? Constant Judgement and wrongness of you. Its what Everyone is doing to themselves.
You Can Stop it and Choose something different. You can Choose to BE YOU.
Choose to BE YOU AND BE AS DIFFERENT AND BRILLANT AS YOU ARE.
You will be judged: But guess what? You are judged anyway.
By Being You: some people will love you and some people will hate you.
The people that love you though will be the best people in the world to be around. Cause, they will also Be different too. And you will be having so much fun and freedom that other people’s judgements will not matter.
You have to be willing to Give up Caring what other people THINK OF YOU.
10 YEARS FROM NOW, YOU WON’T EVEN KNOW ANY THESE PEOPLE.
In order for YOU TO HAVE YOU: YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE TO ‘BE YOU’
Choose what’s fun for you,
Go dance, Go act, go sing, go play the piano,
Wear the clothes you’d like to,
Say inappropriate things that you think in your head,
Give up caring what other people think of you.
What are your dreams? Why did you come here? What would you like your life to look like?
Start choosing your dreams,
NO ONE ELSE WILL CREATE IT FOR YOU,
Choose for you and magic happens,
You won’t feel like your boring anymore,
You won’t feel awkward or ugly or un-happy or lost or alone,
Because When you have YOU and are creating your life and what makes You happy:
You won’t be living someone else life,
You will HAVE YOUR LIFE,
And YOU WILL HAVE YOU.
If I could talk to my younger self again, this is what I would have loved to have told her…